Hi Everyone,
I'm consolidating my blogs at http://guyfarmer.com/blog. I'm shifting to more of a training focus with personal and professional development and self-awareness at the core. I look forward to seeing you over there.
Take care,
Guy
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Self Awareness and Dating
I've noticed that when people ask me for relationship advice a recurring questions is, "Why can't I find anyone." There are many ways people arrive at this conclusion. I'll list them and put a self-awareness twist on each. In this way you can move in a different direction and find out how much power you really have to affect your dating life.
1. I keep going out with bad boys/girls. Different direction: I get myself healthy enough to recognize that it's OK to treat myself well and go out with positive people.
2. I feel lonely. Different direction: I actively work on things that resolve why I am lonely and emphasize learning about myself before dating.
3. Where can I meet people? Different direction: When you get yourself healthy and do the things you love you move in circles where you attract people who are like you.
4. All men/women are terrible. Different direction: There are a lot of great people out there we just need to learn to accept them into our lives and be healthy enough to encourage good people to go out with us.
Hope these ideas help navigate the dating waters. Dating is ultimately what you make it; you have a lot of control over where it goes.
Take care,
Guy
Life Coach
1. I keep going out with bad boys/girls. Different direction: I get myself healthy enough to recognize that it's OK to treat myself well and go out with positive people.
2. I feel lonely. Different direction: I actively work on things that resolve why I am lonely and emphasize learning about myself before dating.
3. Where can I meet people? Different direction: When you get yourself healthy and do the things you love you move in circles where you attract people who are like you.
4. All men/women are terrible. Different direction: There are a lot of great people out there we just need to learn to accept them into our lives and be healthy enough to encourage good people to go out with us.
Hope these ideas help navigate the dating waters. Dating is ultimately what you make it; you have a lot of control over where it goes.
Take care,
Guy
Life Coach
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Seniors and Retirement
So you're a senior and you are looking for ways to enjoy retirement. I help
seniors figure out what they want to do with the rest of their
lives. Retirement can be both exciting and challenging time in our
lives. Seniors are in a position to do some great things with the
remainder
of their lives but may not have access to advice that will help them
make the most of their talents and abilities. Seniors today have much
to give and enjoy and want to live fulfilling lives. Gone are the days
when one had to sit around do nothing, today's seniors are active and
full of life and vigor.
The key to retirement is to make it rewarding for you. Ask yourself the
following questions to figure out what you want to do with the rest of
your life.
Do I want to work?
What is my passion in life and am I pursuing it?
What unresolved issues do I need to fix in my life?
How is my relationship like with those I love?
What are my skills and talents?
What will I do with the rest of my life.
What brings me great joy and am I doing that?
Take a moment to think about who you really are as a person and what you
want to purposefully do with your life. When I coach people, I help them
clarify what they want out of life and plan for the future. I'm always
amazed at the wonderful things that people can do when they follow
their dreams.
As you think about retirement try to include things you love and that have
great meaning to you. Retirement can be a wonderful time to show the
world who you are and leave your mark as the great person you are.
Have a purposeful day,
Guy
Life Coach Reno
seniors figure out what they want to do with the rest of their
lives. Retirement can be both exciting and challenging time in our
lives. Seniors are in a position to do some great things with the
remainder
of their lives but may not have access to advice that will help them
make the most of their talents and abilities. Seniors today have much
to give and enjoy and want to live fulfilling lives. Gone are the days
when one had to sit around do nothing, today's seniors are active and
full of life and vigor.
The key to retirement is to make it rewarding for you. Ask yourself the
following questions to figure out what you want to do with the rest of
your life.
Do I want to work?
What is my passion in life and am I pursuing it?
What unresolved issues do I need to fix in my life?
How is my relationship like with those I love?
What are my skills and talents?
What will I do with the rest of my life.
What brings me great joy and am I doing that?
Take a moment to think about who you really are as a person and what you
want to purposefully do with your life. When I coach people, I help them
clarify what they want out of life and plan for the future. I'm always
amazed at the wonderful things that people can do when they follow
their dreams.
As you think about retirement try to include things you love and that have
great meaning to you. Retirement can be a wonderful time to show the
world who you are and leave your mark as the great person you are.
Have a purposeful day,
Guy
Life Coach Reno
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Are Your Expectations in Relationships Realistic?
Over Valentine's Day I talked with many people and I kept hearing a recurring theme about not being loved or not having kindness reciprocated. This is a very common theme in relationships: one person expects one thing only to have their hopes dashed, the other seems oblivious.
The difficulty arises when we hold on to our expectations even when we see repeated evidence that we will never get what we expect. Expectations then become more of a hindrance than help. Some people hang on to expectations perhaps mistakenly thinking they stand for hope.
Hope is really greatly affected by the actions we take. If we move in directions that lead us down the same path no amount of hope can change the course. If, however, we do things differently then we can begin entertaining hope that things will change because we are actually breaking the patterns we've established.
Changing the way we do things is the only way to modify our situation. No amount of hope or expectations can take the place of real communication and work in our relationships. The great news is that we can do things to change the course of our relationships, they just take some courage and movement in a different direction.
Take care,
Guy
Coaching Services
The difficulty arises when we hold on to our expectations even when we see repeated evidence that we will never get what we expect. Expectations then become more of a hindrance than help. Some people hang on to expectations perhaps mistakenly thinking they stand for hope.
Hope is really greatly affected by the actions we take. If we move in directions that lead us down the same path no amount of hope can change the course. If, however, we do things differently then we can begin entertaining hope that things will change because we are actually breaking the patterns we've established.
Changing the way we do things is the only way to modify our situation. No amount of hope or expectations can take the place of real communication and work in our relationships. The great news is that we can do things to change the course of our relationships, they just take some courage and movement in a different direction.
Take care,
Guy
Coaching Services
How to Fix a Marriage Problem
Many couples reach challenging points in their marriage and don't know what to do about them. We repeat an endless cycle of getting hurt, hurting back and perpetuating the hurt through our actions. This often happens even in marriages where both people are kind, intelligent and caring. So what is it that causes this conflict and what can we do about it. Following are some causes of conflict:
Neither person understands the other person's point of view.
There is not a meeting of the minds on issues.
Neither side backs down.
Each side tries to win.
Neither side has the skills or knowledge to fix the problem.
The people involved are hurt, angry, frustrated or sad.
The good news is that you can help your situation by thinking about new ways of doing things. The key point is to start a process where nobody wins and both of you collaborate to find a solution that works for both of you. Think of some of the following ideas and begin connecting with your spouse in ways that will benefit both of you.
Both agree to talk.
Set up an interruption-free time to talk.
Agree on one thing to talk about.
Brainstorm possible ideas to fix the problem.
Evaluate each option.
Agree together on the resolution that works best for both of you.
Work together to take action on the resolution.
Move to the next problem.
Think about getting a neutral person involved to mediate.
I also encourage my clients to do away with the word "problem" and look at the challenges in life as opportunities for movement in a more positive direction. Looking at challenging situations in a positive light gives you the opportunity to actually fix things rather than repeating the same patterns.
So the next time you are in the middle of a fight, redirect your thoughts to the possiblity that both of you can work together and purposefully resolve the matter.
Have a great problem-solving day,
Guy
Life Coach Reno
Neither person understands the other person's point of view.
There is not a meeting of the minds on issues.
Neither side backs down.
Each side tries to win.
Neither side has the skills or knowledge to fix the problem.
The people involved are hurt, angry, frustrated or sad.
The good news is that you can help your situation by thinking about new ways of doing things. The key point is to start a process where nobody wins and both of you collaborate to find a solution that works for both of you. Think of some of the following ideas and begin connecting with your spouse in ways that will benefit both of you.
Both agree to talk.
Set up an interruption-free time to talk.
Agree on one thing to talk about.
Brainstorm possible ideas to fix the problem.
Evaluate each option.
Agree together on the resolution that works best for both of you.
Work together to take action on the resolution.
Move to the next problem.
Think about getting a neutral person involved to mediate.
I also encourage my clients to do away with the word "problem" and look at the challenges in life as opportunities for movement in a more positive direction. Looking at challenging situations in a positive light gives you the opportunity to actually fix things rather than repeating the same patterns.
So the next time you are in the middle of a fight, redirect your thoughts to the possiblity that both of you can work together and purposefully resolve the matter.
Have a great problem-solving day,
Guy
Life Coach Reno
Not Everything is About You
When I teach people conflict resolution the question often comes up, "So what am I supposed to do if someone is getting mad at me?" Though counterintuitive, the answer is that you don't have to do much, just listen. The next time someone is getting upset while talking with you try these techniques:
1. Listen actively.
2. Nod and smile.
3. If you must talk do so only to say, "Tell me more."
You will be absolutely amazed at the results you will get from simply listening to someone. The trap we fall in is that we think that, when other people are upset, it must be about us. When you give someone the space and opportunity to simply talk and be validated then they will give you much more information than if you engage them in a conflict.
So, give it a try. The next time you are about to get in an argument tell yourself that it is not about you and give the other person the chance to tell you about themselves. Once you master this skill, you will find that many of the conflicts you formerly had will disappear because you will no longer be part of the conflict.
Take care,
Guy
Life Coach Reno
1. Listen actively.
2. Nod and smile.
3. If you must talk do so only to say, "Tell me more."
You will be absolutely amazed at the results you will get from simply listening to someone. The trap we fall in is that we think that, when other people are upset, it must be about us. When you give someone the space and opportunity to simply talk and be validated then they will give you much more information than if you engage them in a conflict.
So, give it a try. The next time you are about to get in an argument tell yourself that it is not about you and give the other person the chance to tell you about themselves. Once you master this skill, you will find that many of the conflicts you formerly had will disappear because you will no longer be part of the conflict.
Take care,
Guy
Life Coach Reno
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Improving Communication in Your Family
Families are interesting entities in that they can be a source both of great strength but also amazing frustration. The people I've worked with have taught me many things about families and I'd like to share a few so that you may find happiness and balance in your family.
1. It's OK to ask for what you need from your family.
2. It's OK to speak up in your family.
3. It's OK to challenge things you don't agree with in your family.
4. It's advisable to talk with family members with the same care and respect you would show to anyone else.
5. We should talk about our family's challenges and do away with secrets.
6. It's OK for families to talk about difficult things and try to find ways to function more effectively.
7. Families can change any time they want.
8. Families often benefit from having an uninvolved, outside person give them a fresh perspective on what's going on and how to fix it.
9. We owe it to ourselves and our families to be as healthy as possible.
10. Why live in misery when we can work toward joy and balance?
Families often get stuck doing things a certain way because they don't know about any other way to do things. It's been my experience that there is always hope for happiness and reconciliation. All it takes is some courage and some work.
Take care,
Guy
Life Coach Reno
1. It's OK to ask for what you need from your family.
2. It's OK to speak up in your family.
3. It's OK to challenge things you don't agree with in your family.
4. It's advisable to talk with family members with the same care and respect you would show to anyone else.
5. We should talk about our family's challenges and do away with secrets.
6. It's OK for families to talk about difficult things and try to find ways to function more effectively.
7. Families can change any time they want.
8. Families often benefit from having an uninvolved, outside person give them a fresh perspective on what's going on and how to fix it.
9. We owe it to ourselves and our families to be as healthy as possible.
10. Why live in misery when we can work toward joy and balance?
Families often get stuck doing things a certain way because they don't know about any other way to do things. It's been my experience that there is always hope for happiness and reconciliation. All it takes is some courage and some work.
Take care,
Guy
Life Coach Reno
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