Conflict May be About Deeper Issues

Many people go through life putting out fires and reacting to whatever conflict comes their way rather than trying to prevent it. We often spend much of our time focusing on the issue on the surface but don't do anything to resolve the underlying situation. Think about the last time you had a fight with someone you loved. What was it about? Did you fix it? Did it go away permanently? Think of the following points next time you are in conflict with someone.

What is this conflict really about?
What am I feeling inside and where does that come from?
Do I really care whether the toilet seat is up or is it about something else?
What is it about me that compels me to fight about this?
What do I need to do to fix this situation?

When you ask yourself questions like these you begin the process of understanding yourself. It is this self-knowledge that helps us figure out who we really are at a deeper level. We spend so much time fighting about things that are only the tip of the real problem that lies below. Think about it next time you get upset. Am I really mad about the lid being left off the jar or is it that I feel like no one cares about me?

Once you figure out what's really going on you can begin doing the important work to actually fix your relationship and life conflicts.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coach Reno

Getting Relationship Help that Works

Many people who have relationship problems think that they can fix them themselves or get help from friends and family. The difficulty with this approach is that not everyone is qualified to help us find the answers we want. They may mean well and love us very much but they may not have a clue on how to actually fix a problem. Ask yourself the following questions next time you are looking for someone to help you with your relationship challenges.

Does this person have a track record of expert relationship problem solving?
Does this person listen unconditionally without giving advice?
Does this person help you come up with your own answers?
Is this person too close to the situation or not objective enough?
Does the person have anything to gain from a specific outcome?
Has this person had any training in fixing relationships?

These basic questions highlight the importance of getting help that will not only make you feel better or supported but, additionally, to find help that helps you create the results you want. The advice you get from others may be kind and supportive but does the problem go away?

I often hear from my clients that it is difficult to seek outside help. We are often taught that we need to fix things ourselves or should not trust anyone outside of friends and family. The good news is that an outside person or coach can help you make a problem go away. A supportive coach has the skills and experience to help you move in any direction you choose.

The next time you have a relationship problem and need help, think of contacting a coach. Interview them and find out if they would work well with you. Find out if they can help you create the results you want. You may be pleasantly surprised with the range of helpful services a coach can provide you. You may also contact me with any questions on coaching or how it can be helpful to you.

Have a great day,

Guy
Life Coach in Reno

Do You Love Yourself?

Have you ever known someone who says they love themselves but seems to be angry at the world or always has awful relationships? The general guideline for someone who loves herself is that she becomes more balanced, more accepting, kinder and more happy. Learning how to love ourselves begins with self-knowledge. Do you really love yourself? A good way of finding out is to evaluate whether you do things that help or hurt you in relationships. List the things that you allow to happen that are uplifting and then a list of the ones that bring you down. Do you have more things in your life that make you feel great or a larger number of disappointments? If you have a significant number of negative items on your list, don’t worry this just a tool to give you an idea of what to work on first. Look at your list and pick one thing from the negative side that you want to work on, the one that jumps out at you the most. Congratulate yourself because you have now started the process of working on self-love.

Have a great day,

Guy
Reno Life Coach

Celebrate Yourself

Treating yourself well is as much a habit as a state of mind. It's a good idea to cut yourself some slack and celebrate the things you do well. We spend so much time beating ourselves up that we forget that we possess wonderful skills and abilities. Ask yourself the following questions to begin thinking about how great you are.

1. What do I do well?
2. What do I love to do?
3. What thing do I do that truly makes me happy?
4. What can I do to reward myself today in a positive way?
5. What am I an expert on?
6. What can I do today to take care of myself?

Practice one of these ideas each day and teach yourself how to live a life of positive self reinforcement rather than negativity. Learn to be your own best supporter, a person who recongnizes the amazing things about you. Don't be afraid of doing something silly like saying affirmations to yourself out loud. You have a unique power to be your own best supporter. It just takes a little practice and perserverance.

Keep doing it and, over time, you will shift your way of thinking to one that celebrates the things that make you special.

Have a great day and celebrate yourself,

Guy
Life Coach in Reno

What You Put Out is What You Get Back

Think about this proposition next time you interact with people at work
or in your personal life. How does the vibe you put out affect what you
get back from people. For example, how do you feel when someone does
the following:

Frowns.
Scowls.
Speaks in an aggressive tone of voice or shouts.
Doesn't listen.
Doesn't look at you.
Is angry or impatient.
Talks over you.
Rolls their eyes.
Always griping or negative.

How
would you react to a person acting like this? I bet you can think of
many other things that are not conducive to great communication or to
effective interpersonal relationships. It's amazing how much the energy
we put out affect what we get back.
On the other hand, think of how you react when someone projects the following:

Smiles.
Listens.
Speaks in a calm tone.
Looks at you.
Talks when appropriate.
Nods and prompts you for more information.
Focuses on positive approaches.

What was your reaction to this type of behavior? If you're like most people
you would likely be more attracted to interacting with this person.
There really is something to the idea that what we put out is what we
get back. What can you do about it? Start today by putting out positive
vibes that the world can pick up on. It will take conscious effort and
practice on your part but, over time, you will transform who you are
and attract greater positivity.

Have a positive day,

Guy

Life Coach Reno

How to Deal With Difficult People

I frequently facilitate workshops with managers and business people and the question frequently comes up on how to deal with difficult people. The answer is multifaceted but it comes down to understanding your role, understanding the other person and setting an atmosphere where you can actually bond with the other person.

Think about the following ideas when you encounter a difficult person.

1. Take a deep breath or do something to calm yourself down.
2. Realize that difficult people aren't difficult because of you.
3. Don't take difficult people's behavior personally.
4. Ask the person to talk at a mutually beneficial time.
5. Make sure there are no interruptions and that the atmosphere is calm.
6. Try to determine what is going on together.
7. Listen, listen, listen.
8. Do some more listening.
9. Listen more than talk.
10. Did I mention listening.

The point I am making is that we each have a great deal of control over how
we react to difficult people. It's amazing how much easier we can make
interactions if we let go of our personal hurts and grievances and just
listen to the other person. Listening doesn't cost us anything and we
actually create an opportunity to figure out what's going on.

The big mistake we most often make is that we let the difficult person hook
us into a confrontation. We then end up trying to defend ourselves or
win an argument. In cases like this the difficult person has roped you
into conflict and you have gone along willingly.

Try the ideas above and take yourself out of the equation by not feeding into the
difficult behavior. Learn about the person and try your best to find
out what makes them behave the way they do. You might be amazed at what
you find out.

Have a difficult-person-free day,

Guy
Life Coach Reno

How to Communicate Effectively

My clients often ask me how to communicate more effectively. We all are capable of communicating effectively we just haven't learned how to actually do it. Here are some basic tips on how to gets started.

1. Set up an atmosphere for communicating. Everyone gets to say what they want, nobody is punished, everyone is safe to say what they want with no fear of retribution.

2. Everyone agrees to listen and only person talks at a time. When someone speaks other people simply listen. There should be no advice giving, rebuttals or contradicting. Everyone gets a chance to say what they want.

3. Everyone agrees that there is no such thing as a wrong comment or dumb question.

4. Everyone agrees to talk about the same amount of time. No one person monopolizes the conversation. No one person is more important than another.

5. We agree to communicate with each other respectfully, with a calm tone of voice, without harsh language and with no derogatory comments.

6. We agree that any information that is communicated will not be used against someone or to make them feel bad.

7. Keep it simple. Say what you mean, say it briefly and constructively.

8. Leave any personal agendas out of the meeting.

9. Keep it positive. Communication ideally builds a positive atmosphere that promotes solutions rather than only gripe sessions.

Once you follow all of these concepts you will be on your way to communicating effectively. Each one takes practice and commitment from all parties involved. Practice each one (one at a time) until you master it. When you have mastered all of them you will experience the peace of mind that comes from communicating effectively.

Have a great communication day,

Guy
Life Coach Reno

The Power of Positive Thinking

I was coaching a group of people all of whom had been through significant trauma in their lives. I asked the question, "Why is it that you all are able to move forward when others don't?" What is the difference between those who can overcome adversity and those who get stuck with it?

The answer is simple but significant. The people that overcome obstacles are those who are able to focus on the positive. This doesn't mean that they minimize trauma or don't acknowledge difficulties it's simply that they are able to focus on actually doing positive things.

People have an amazing ability to move in any direction they want to. Right this moment you could start doing something to change your life if you wanted to. All it takes is making a conscious decision that you are going to do something, anything. Being positive is about focusing on the things you can change and that you have control over.

We are able to change ourselves because we have control over what we do. Next time you feel like there is no hope try doing one thing to interrupt those thoughts and that will move you in a positive direction. Time after time I've had clients tell me that all it took to change their lives was thinking positively about something they used to think of as negative.

Have a positive day,

Guy
Life Coach in Reno

How to Change Your Life

People often ask me how to change their lives. The answer is simple but doing it is the hard part. We are in a culture that demands quick results and changing our lives requires deliberate action over time. Next time you are wondering how to change your life here is the answer that many people have used to transform their situation.

1. Think of what you want to change.
2. Devise a strategy to change it.
3. Pick one goal.
3. Pick one task you can do to start achieving your goal.
4. Check in with yourself in a week to see if you achieved the goal.
5. If the goal needs revising, do so. If you've completed it, move to the next goal.
6. Reward yourself each time you complete a goal. No overindulging please.


Try these steps and see if they help you change your life. Everyone who has ever changes their lives started with desire but they all needed a plan to do it. Put one foot in front of the other and strive to complete your goals. If you feel like giving up that is normal but please continue walking forward.

No life change is easy. They all take deliberate effort but people achieve their goals all the time. There is no reason why you shouldn't be able to do so as well.

All the best,

Guy
Life Coach Reno