I frequently facilitate workshops with managers and business people and the question frequently comes up on how to deal with difficult people. The answer is multifaceted but it comes down to understanding your role, understanding the other person and setting an atmosphere where you can actually bond with the other person.
Think about the following ideas when you encounter a difficult person.
1. Take a deep breath or do something to calm yourself down.
2. Realize that difficult people aren't difficult because of you.
3. Don't take difficult people's behavior personally.
4. Ask the person to talk at a mutually beneficial time.
5. Make sure there are no interruptions and that the atmosphere is calm.
6. Try to determine what is going on together.
7. Listen, listen, listen.
8. Do some more listening.
9. Listen more than talk.
10. Did I mention listening.
The point I am making is that we each have a great deal of control over how
we react to difficult people. It's amazing how much easier we can make
interactions if we let go of our personal hurts and grievances and just
listen to the other person. Listening doesn't cost us anything and we
actually create an opportunity to figure out what's going on.
The big mistake we most often make is that we let the difficult person hook
us into a confrontation. We then end up trying to defend ourselves or
win an argument. In cases like this the difficult person has roped you
into conflict and you have gone along willingly.
Try the ideas above and take yourself out of the equation by not feeding into the
difficult behavior. Learn about the person and try your best to find
out what makes them behave the way they do. You might be amazed at what
you find out.
Have a difficult-person-free day,
Guy
Life Coach Reno
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