Codepence is a buzzword that we use for all kinds of relationship issues but people sometimes don't realize it's impact on relationships. Codependence takes its toll on relationships because we behave in ways that focus more on others than ourselves. A wife may live through trying to control her husband or children, a boyfriend can't rest when his girlfriend is not with him because he can't control her.
Codependence can be loosely defined as behaviors that come about because we have to or choose to ignore ourselves and, instead, focus our energy on someone else. Codependence can come about from a basic need to control, a lack of self-awareness, insecurity, or traumatic situations in a family but the common denominator is that it robs us of our ability to control our own lives.
The good news is that we can redirect our energy and pay far less attention to other people and much more to ourselves. Clearly defining who we are and what we want helps us to break away from living through others. Think about it: the mom who says, "I live to make cookies for my kids," is not living for herself but rather needs constant reinforcement from the outside to make her feel valued.
We can feel better about ourselves and stop living through others by doing things that make us feel positive about ourselves. Next time you feel obsessed by what someone else is doing try to realize that you can't control someone else and your happiness doesn't depend on them. Try doing something positive that builds you up and increases what you know about yourself. Once you learn how to take care of yourself you can reach out in ways that build healthy, two-way relationships, not codependent ones.
Take care,
Guy
Life Coach
No comments:
Post a Comment